How do you know if you’re suffering from perfectionism versus having high standards? Here are some questions you can ask yourself that might help you see the difference:
Standards I set:
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Do I routinely disappoint myself when I’m trying to live up to the standards I have set?
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Do I everlive up to the standards I have set?
Perfectionist feelings:
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What is my emotional reaction when I fail to live up to those standards? Am I angry at myself? Frustrated? Depressed? Am I anxious that others will notice my failures? Do I hate myself?
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Are others concerned for me or put off by self-directed goals?
Perfectionist thinking:
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Am I purely binary in my thinking – either I have achieved my goal or I’ve failed – without any room for “good enough”?
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Do I fear the humiliation of failure (or even slightly-less-than-perfection) in front of others?
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Do I blow consequences out of proportion? (“If I don’t memorize my entire presentation and have to glance at cue cards my boss will fire me.”)
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Do I never leave room for mistakes? (“I should alwaysget an A+ or I’m a failure.” “I should neverhave a wrinkle in my suit.”)
Perfectionist behaviour:
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Do I avoid new experiences because I won’t be good at them (and others will be able to see how bad I am)?
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Do the goals I’ve set actually seem to hinder my performance because I’m too cautious?
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Do I live my life according to lists, scheduling myself right down to the smallest activities of the day (how much time I watch t.v., when and for how long I’m in the shower, etc.)?
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Is it difficult for me to make decisions, even when it’s something small like which flavour of ice cream to have because I’m afraid of missing out on the “better” choice?