If you were born before the 1990s then social media simply wasn’t a thing. Chances are, you’re probably grateful. Who would want every moment of their life – especially during the painful roller coaster of teenage years – paraded in front of the world? It can seem brutal and potentially dangerous. Is it bad enough to warrant a confrontation with your teenager about setting online limits? I’ll try to lay out some of the potential psychological effects of social media on teenagers, what you should look out for, and when you should be concerned.
What is “social media”?
Social media generally refers to all the ways a person documents their life online. So this mainly includes Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and so on. It can also include other online communities like those found in video games, and chat rooms like those found on the live-streaming site Twitch.
Are there any benefits to social media?
There can indeed be beneficial effects of social media for teenagers. Shy or socially awkward teenagers can flourish in a welcoming community, that provides opportunities for increased social capital, social interaction with others, and identity development. Social media also allows them to maintain pre-existing relationships and even strengthen close friendships and familial ties through novel expressions, like photo sharing, writing wall posts, making comments etc. Teengaers can investigate aspects of the world that your own lifestyle may not expose them to. Your teen could be making friends in a dozen different countries, joining communities that encourage their passions, learning about some social or environmental ill in the world and working towards solving it, learning how to clearly identify problems in their own lives, as well as finding steps to solve those problems, getting information about embarrassing health problems they were too shy to tell you or their GP about…the list goes on and on.
What are the riskier effects of social media?
You’ve seen it yourself – your teenager hits a social media hotspot several times a day, and likely a lot more than you think they are. When they’re not on a social media site they’re messaging each other. A lot of time in their developmental years is being spent online and naturally you have to ask – is this healthy? It’s not just a question of whatyour teenager is being exposed to, but also how much. Are they exhausting themselves? Are they damaging their capacity to get involved in the real world? Are they paying attention to real life when it matters the most?
Going further – are you, as a parent able to keep up? Teens are adding new words and expressions to their vocabularies at an increasing pace. Do you know what “smh” means (see below)? When they say your eyebrows are “on fleek” do you say “Thanks” or do you send them to their room for being rude?
There are also new apps coming out every day – some designed expressly to help teens circumvent protective parents. For example there are messaging apps that destroy messages as soon as they’re read – Mission Impossiblemeets teenage angst. Is it even possible to keep up?
Smh stands for “shaking my head” in disbelief and/or disdain
Another meaning is “so much hate”
On Fleek, is the quality of being perfect, or on point.
What are the dangers of sexting?
In case you didn’t know, sexting is the sending and receiving of nude pictures and sexually explicit text messages, it is increasingly becoming a normalthing among teenagers. Many people view this is a symptom of a child growing up into a young adult, in a digital era. But it is considered harmful, and it’s forever. Those texts, or even worse, pictures, that teenagers send out can be kept and shared with other teenagers, or with the entire world, depending on the maliciousness of other participants. If they are sexting, and it’s not with a person they actually know, but with a person they met online then they have no idea who they’re dealing with.
I have worked with teenagers that have come close to facing criminal charges for distributing indecent images, sometimes of themselves. Teenagers in various countries around the world have faced child pornography charges, even if it’s pictures of their own bodies that they’re sharing, because it is considered illegal to distribute indecent images of anyone under adult age.
I commonly see teenagers struggle with bullying, and being made fun of, when they’ve sent an image to their school boyfriend/girlfriend, the relationship turned sour, then he/she sent the image to others at school, before you know it everyone has seen it. This is of course one of the nastiest effects of social media – having a profoundly intimate moment shared around, and being the butt of everyone’s jokes. As a result of sexting, some teenagers can also face other consequences such as expulsion from school, they could be rejected from a new school, or jobs that they apply too, because many organisations now do online searches on candidates, looking into their digital footprint.
What about cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is a horrific experience for parents and their children, and it seems like it’s something that’s preventable by just taking away their smartphone or computer access. Online bullying is probably the most common danger of an online life. One of the negative effects of social media is that it’s a boon for bullies – people can be anonymous, so they can get away with more. Cyber-bullying can be devastating to a victimised teenager, leading to feelings of isolation, anxiety, depression (which in turn can lead to other serious mental health conditions like self-harm, eating disorders etc.).
So how do you protect your teenager from cyberbullying?
If they’re online, they’re going to be at least a little bit vulnerable. That isn’t to say that you’re helpless. Here are some tips you can try:
1. Set limits about what/where your teenager can post personal information.
The fewer places your teenager shares information about where they live, their birthday or birth year, their hobbies, their school, etc. means there are fewer places the random bully can use to latch onto them. It also means that anonymous bullies are more readily identified if they happen to use this information against your teenager. Explain to your teenager that you’re trying to protect them as well as their little brother/sister – a bully can get at them by going through your teenager. All it takes for a determined bully is to find a picture where they have tagged a younger sibling.
2. Don’t feed the trolls.
Online bullies usually (but not always!) have a simple psychology – they seem hungry for attention. So if you engage them, then you’re giving them exactly what they want, and they may escalate to gain even more attention from you. If the bullying continues or escalates to threats then it is probably be time to get the police involved, or if they are bullies from school you can speak with the headteacher.
3. Document everything.
If your teenager is getting bullied record all of the interactions that you witness/see evidence of, think about taking screen shots in case it is deleted/removed. If you’re not sure if the situation has passed from bullying into genuinely threatening behaviour then contact the police.
What about “social media depression”?
There’s something new that researchers are calling “social media depression.” Evidence is increasingly supporting a link between social media use and wellbeing, during adolescence. Night-time specific social media use along with emotional investment in social media have also been found to be related to lower self-esteem, higher anxiety and depression levels, as well as poorer sleep quality. It’s hardly surprising that thereare high levels of anxiety among young people who feel pressured to be beautiful, and sometimes this is only amplified through social media.
Teenagers turn to social media sites to find acceptance, and some end up doing this obsessively. If they don’t receive enough acceptance (through likes, and positive comments), they can begin to think very negatively of themselves. Some teenagers might spend a lot of time passive browsing on social media sites, looking at other people’s photos and profiles, this can sometimes trigger a sense of exclusion, envy, loneliness, promote feelings of inadequacy, which can also lead to low mood and depression. A teenager might wonder why they weren’t invited to a party, which has been plastered all over Facebook. This can contribute to their self-confidence, sense of identity, and social anxiety. This type of social comparison can generate emotional distress, body image disturbance (particularly for girls), and it might seem like everyone else is happier and having a better time than them. However, this really is not the case, it is important to reflect with your teenager about profiles on social networking sites, and how they often portray positively distorted depictions of people (everyone wants to be seen as being their best in front of others, don’t they?).
So, What can you do about all of this?
The simplest answer is the one you already know – talk to your teenager, keep a connection with them as much as is possible. Make yourself open, to whatever problem your teenager wants to bring to you – even those cringed sexting problems, try to engage in a conversation, rather than saying “how dare you send a picture showing so much cleavage.” Open yourself to the understanding that you don’t know everything, especially in the face of the ever-changing world of the internet. You’re always going to have some learning to do, you probably weren’t born into the digital age, but your son or daughter was, and this is their world.
Spend meaningful time with your teenager.
As children get older it can become more difficult to know what is going on in their lives, and it seems to become harder to stay close and connected with them. It’s easy for parents to start to feel redundant when parenting teenagers, but it’s important to remember that they still need you, just in a different way to before, in fact in some cases they need you even more than before. Spending regular weekly quality time you’re your teenager is so valuable (try alternating between mum and dad each week), it keeps you in their lives in a more open way, and this can protect against all sorts of online problems.
A lot of teenagers have really busy social lives, but there are ways to find a time to connect with them, it might mean pushing a bit more at your own boundaries, trying to do something new, something you’re not used to. This might mean playing a video game together, most teenagers find it hilarious to see how shockingly bad their parents are at gaming, maybe a regular home movie night, late night trips to the cinema (just the two of you), get into a Netflix series with them, try to get involved in their passion regardless of how uninterested you are in it. Find activities you can do together online. That’ll help feed their cravings for online-time while at the same time you’ll get a glimpse of what he/she is into. Who knows – you may even have fun.
Get Connected Online.
Although some parents are unaware of what their teens are postings online, other parents utilise social media sites themselves, to maintain greater contact with their teens, requiring them to be connected to them through their social media accounts. You could make it a condition that they friend you, or allow you to follow them online.
You can’t completely protect your teenager from all of the effects of social media. It’s impossible. There was no bubble that your parents could use to protect you when you were growing up, and the same goes for you now that you are a parent of a teenager. But you are not helpless. If you see your teenager exhibiting excessive mood changes, aggression, symptoms of depression, and so on, act on it. And when you need it, never be afraid to ask for help.